December (2yrs ago) was the last full month I was pregnant with two amazing babies, when we had found out that we were going to have one boy and one girl at our 20week ultrasound and named our babies: Emma Claire and Oliver Daniel. Bittersweet is my "New Normal" and every once in a while I think that I am used to that. But December and January made it clear that I am not! January is a rough month, being as their Birthday and the Day Oliver died are the 11th and 12th.
We visited Oliver on their Birthday, we brought him new flowers and a balloon! It was nice to see the kids laughing and smiling at the cemetery! A Dear Friend brought us dinner, cake and balloons that night so that I wouldn't have to worry about it! She is one of God's sweet angels!!!
We
celebrated with family two weeks after their birthday because Adam and I went to San
Diego for a week starting on the 13th. It was exactly what I needed after their birthday! It was the first time my husband and I went on vacation without kids! It was a battery recharge to just be together, spend time in the sun and relax! I needed that time to think about Oliver without Emma in front of me. I needed to heal.
It was wonderful!
The best feeling in the world, my fee in the sand!
Planning the birthday party felt like a huge task that I really didn't feel up to, but we did a family party with a couple of friends. I even forgot to make sure my Brother and Sister-in-Law knew about the party so they missed it. Grief makes treading through life so murky! But it was nice!
After the party when it was just us we blew "Bubbles of Love" to Oliver! It was a nice way to send him love without going outside in the cold!
We did a Teeny Tears diaper project with my church sisters in January as well. Just cutting the diapers was so draining on my heart. It felt good to be doing something so wonderful as to create diapers and blankets for other parents who lost their sweet babies. It was truly a labor of love and tears for me! We had a wonderful turn out to the sewing day and were able to get 80 diapers and 40 blankets sewn for Sacred Heart Hospital. Each has a card that says they are donated in memory of Oliver.
Emma Update: Emma is doing amazing! She is saying new words every day and will repeat just about anything you ask her to! Her ear tubes were definitely the right course of action! She started going to therapy school with 4-5 other toddlers and gets her therapy during the two hours she is there. It is two days a week and she is getting used to saying goodbye to Mommy. She does not like circle time, sitting on the little bench is too much to ask of her, but she calms pretty quickly. She is working on her upper body strength with Physical Therapy, fine motor strength and task completion with Occupational Therapy, and working on eating different textures as well as asking for what she wants with Speech Therapy. Overall her therapists are blown away that she is doing so well considering her very early start! They can't believe she was a 23weeker!
Right after I posted this Emma yelled from her crib, she had been napping. I walk in to a naked baby who had just peed all over herself! I don't think I will ever get used to her doing things right on time! She fights me when I put pants on her and tells me she is stinky! She throws fits that are pretty convincing! She is All TWO!! She is known in nursery and at school as "The Boss", she hasn't changed much since she was bossing around the nurses in the NICU! "Don't you dare leave me alone!" She is also very sweet! Today we opened our box from Molly Bears. It is a special bear that weighs 1lb 4oz, just like Oliver did. It's name is Oliver Bear and Emma said "Oliver" for the first time when she hugged the bear.
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