Emma and Oliver's Second Birthday

Emma and Oliver's Second Birthday
December (2yrs ago) was the last full month I was pregnant with two amazing babies, when we had found out that we were going to have one boy and one girl at our 20week ultrasound and named our babies: Emma Claire and Oliver Daniel. Bittersweet is my "New Normal" and every once in a while I think that I am used to that. But December and January made it clear that I am not! January is a rough month, being as their Birthday and the Day Oliver died are the 11th and 12th.

We visited Oliver on their Birthday, we brought him new flowers and a balloon! It was nice to see the kids laughing and smiling at the cemetery! A Dear Friend brought us dinner, cake and balloons that night so that I wouldn't have to worry about it! She is one of God's sweet angels!!! 

 We celebrated with family two weeks after their birthday because Adam and I went to San Diego for a week starting on the 13th. It was exactly what I needed after their birthday! It was the first time my husband and I went on vacation without kids! It was a battery recharge to just be together, spend time in the sun and relax! I needed that time to think about Oliver without Emma in front of me. I needed to heal.

 It was wonderful!

 

 The best feeling in the world, my fee in the sand! 

 

Planning the birthday party felt like a huge task that I really didn't feel up to, but we did a family party with a couple of friends. I even forgot to make sure my Brother and Sister-in-Law knew about the party so they missed it. Grief makes treading through life so murky! But it was nice!

After the party when it was just us we blew "Bubbles of Love" to Oliver! It was a nice way to send him love without going outside in the cold! 
 

We did a Teeny Tears diaper project with my church sisters in January as well. Just cutting the diapers was so draining on my heart. It felt good to be doing something so wonderful as to create diapers and blankets for other parents who lost their sweet babies. It was truly a labor of love and tears for me! We had a wonderful turn out to the sewing day and were able to get 80 diapers and 40 blankets sewn for Sacred Heart Hospital. Each has a card that says they are donated in memory of Oliver.

 more about teeny tears: http://teenytears.blogspot.com/

Emma Update: Emma is doing amazing! She is saying new words every day and will repeat just about anything you ask her to! Her ear tubes were definitely the right course of action!  She started going to therapy school with 4-5 other toddlers and gets her therapy during the two hours she is there. It is two days a week and she is getting used to saying goodbye to Mommy. She does not like circle time, sitting on the little bench is too much to ask of her, but she calms pretty quickly. She is working on her upper body strength with Physical Therapy, fine motor strength and task completion with Occupational Therapy, and working on eating different textures as well as asking for what she wants with Speech Therapy. Overall her therapists are blown away that she is doing so well considering her very early start! They can't believe she was a 23weeker!

Right after I posted this Emma yelled from her crib, she had been napping. I walk in to a naked baby who had just peed all over herself! I don't think I will ever get used to her doing things right on time! She fights me when I put pants on her and tells me she is stinky! She throws fits that are pretty convincing! She is All TWO!! She is known in nursery and at school as "The Boss", she hasn't changed much since she was bossing around the nurses in the NICU! "Don't you dare leave me alone!" She is also very sweet! Today we opened our box from Molly Bears. It is a special bear that weighs 1lb 4oz, just like Oliver did. It's name is Oliver Bear and Emma said "Oliver" for the first time when she hugged the bear.

Emma and Her Ears

When we were discharged from the NICU on May 15, 2012 we were told she passed her hearing test, but because she was so early they wanted her to follow up with an ENT. When we followed up they discovered fluid in both of her ears. We decided to watch it and see if it would go away on it's own. Every visit they would check again and the fluid would still be there. The hearing test said she wasn't hearing low tones very well, but she had only 2 ear infections and no balance issues as well as it not seeming to effect her speech development, so we took the wait and see approach.
This last visit her hearing test showed more of the same, but the ENT said it is time to get the fluid out. I have been hesitant mostly because I was TERRIFIED of her going under general anesthesia!!  The last time she went under was for her PDA ligation when she was two weeks old, she was tiny barely over her birthweight of 1lb 3oz at the time and the anesthesiologist made a comment that didn't set my mind at ease, "What are you going for the smallest baby to have this procedure done on?" 
I went in to the waiting room feeling very very scared!! Thankfully she came through that surgery great! Even though the recovery was far from easy she came out stronger because of it!
This surgery was very similar in the sense that the anesthesiologist struck again. The ENT came in, got Adam's signature then said it would be just a few minutes before they would take her back.

Emma was snuggly and calm. I was starting to relax a little, and then the anesthesiologist came in. This is how he started: "How old is she?" Me: "She is 22months", Him: "Has she been sick lately?" Me:"Yes she has had a low grade fever, but it has gone away." Him: "Full term? Vaginal? Good Birth weight?" Me: "23weeks 1day, C-section, 1lb 3oz" Him: "What?" He then had me repeat her gestation and then got very grave....Him: "How long was she on the vent? How long has she been off oxygen? or an apnea monitor?" Me: "She was on the vent for 5 weeks, she came home on O2, but has been off both the O2 and apnea monitor for a year." Him:"I don't care how healthy you are there are always risks with anesthesia, you have to know that we do this surgery on sick kids even though it isn't ideal when they are stuffy or sick... she may revert to having apnea after anesthesia so I am going to keep you guys here for a while after surgery" Me:"Ok."
He then left the room. The ENT came in a few minutes later to appologize for the Anesthesiologist being so grumpy. He gave her quite the lecture about scheduling Emma as an outpatient. She assured us that she would not have scheduled Emma outpatient if she wasn't absolutely sure that she would be fine. The nurses came in, we gave Emma a kiss and she waved good-bye to us happily.
In the waiting room Adam held my hand, we tried to ignore Obama on the TV, and I prayed with all my heart that she would be fine!! Just 10mins later the ENT came out to tell us that it took all of 3minutes for her to drain the fluid and place the tubes. She also said that the fluid was really thick and she was really glad that we got it out of there. She said Emma's O2 was looking perfect and that they would come get us soon.  Adam hugged me and I cried!  We sat in the waiting room for what felt like eternity after that until a nurse came and got us. She told us she did great! She didn't even cry when she woke up! We were shown into a room where another nurse was holding Emma. Emma was calm and just looking around. They had me sit and apologized that we were going to be there for a while. The anesthesiologist came in and said that she did great but that he was going to keep us there until noon, just to be safe. The nurse brought Emma juice, which she downed without taking a break.

 Emma was happy and until they said I could get her dressed. As soon as she was dressed she was ready to go home! Thankfully they had food and puzzles to distract her. Every nurse who walked by apologized that the anesthesiologist was keeping us so long and that Emma was obviously fine.... at 11am the anesthesiologist came in, thanked us for being patient with him, and said we could go!
Emma has shown amazing leaps in her speech since surgery, she is quick to try to repeat words we ask her to say and startles from loud noises (like the vacuum, or Mommy and Daddy yelling at her siblings) so we know that her hearing has greatly improved!
What is next for Emma? Well, she is going to start going to group at The Guild School. I have been hesitant about this because of cold/flu/RSV season, but because she has been approved for the Synagis (RSV) shot for all 5 months of RSV season, and she has been amazingly healthy in her crazy fragile life, we (Emma's pediatrician, Adam and I) feel the benefits of group will outweigh the risks to her health! So, please pray her immune system is as amazing as we need it to be and look forward to many exciting updates on her social and developmental advancements!! 

Emma will soon be 19months old

Emma feeding herself

Emma will be 19months old on the 11th of this month! She is making great strides at getting caught up to her actual age in almost every way! She is 17lbs 6oz and 29in long. She can climb up and down stairs all by herself. She is taking 4-5 steps on her own before falling down (mostly because she thinks she can run and forgets to slow down!) She is still a happy little joy who amazes me every day! She just had re-evaluations with speech, OT, PT and Cognitive. Speech and Cognitive she scores at or above her actual age! PT she scores a little lower than her adjusted age (15mo), but mostly because she isn't walking independently quite yet and the test stops once 3 requirements aren't met. So she got no credit for her climbing skills. OT put her at or above her adjusted age! She will still be doing PT once a week and meet with the Speech therapist once a month due to her funny food choices.
Let me explain: Emma was eating pretzels just fine before she even got molars, crackers, chips, noodles, bread even meat don't bother her at all. She even started solids with them thickened. But she doesn't like  fruit or vegetables. She will eat them pureed but refuses them any other way. She is starting to at least taste them, and we play with textures and keep offering. That is why she still get's speech once a month. To continue to work on getting her to eat those things.
But like scooting on her bottom instead of crawling and before that rotating on her tummy and rolling everywhere Emma does things her own way in her own time!

This is Emma's new "thing" she uses it a lot! Usually it is a sign of frustration or that I am asking too much/ She does it a lot to Carrie (her physical therapist) when she tries to get her to try new things.  She cracks me up!



Here she is standing without holding on!
She is getting very brave!  She also loves climbing into chairs and sitting like a big girl. I am in awe of this beautiful miracle. Thank you all for your love and prayers! I have felt the love and support and I am thankful for Emma's Fans!!



Full of life and love! Can't imagine our lives without her!  We don't see the pediatrician again until her 2nd birthday, and we don't see nutrition again for 4months.  ENT in 4months as well, she still has some fluid, but we are waiting until then to decide about tubes. Her only other specialist is Nephrologist, but we are waiting to see the new one when he arrives. So sometime in September probably. Her last renal sonogram looked great only a little stone left so, hopefully we will be discharged at the next visit!
She is still tiny but she is almost in size 4 diapers, is wearing size 12m clothes and almost out of size 2 shoes. The tiniest part of her is her belly button, I don't know if it is a preemie thing or just and Emma thing, but it is still tiny!
This is February 2nd 2012 right after her ambilicle lines came out:



Here it is today at just under 19months:
Have a wonderful day!