So I am having a hard time getting up to date here so I thought I would write a little before hand!
Here is a glimpse into my day: 4/18/12 for example
7am alarm goes off, I sit up an hook up to the pump, while Adam finishes his preparations for his day. He gets Connor up and changed and then Connor snuggles next to me while drinking his chocolate milk.
7:30am I put the milk I just pumped into bags and store it in the freezer. Then go wake up Jadyn. Who does not want to get up or go to school, I prod her awake and encourage her to get ready for school.
8:00am Breakfast for the kiddos, I am watching the clock so that I can call to check on Emma. (I can't call between 6:45 and 7:45 am and pm during shift change) I put Connor in his crib with some toys so that I can hop in the shower.
8:20am I am rushing Jadyn to get her shoes on, hair brushed, ear piercing cleaned and teeth brushed as she is telling me she has done all of this, when she hasn't.
8:40am My wonderful Friend and Neighbor Amanda picks up Jadyn and takes her to the school bus. Then I set to get everything together for Kira and Connor for the day. Packing a diaper bag and getting them dressed.
about 9ish is when I find a quiet moment to call the NICU: I wait for the nurse to pick up, anxious to find out how her night went and how she is this morning. "She looks great, she had a good night, she ate a full bottle at 2am and is pretty sleepy this morning."
10am I load Kira and Connor into the car, making sure I have my camera and phone and keys. I drive to my friend's house who has graciously offered to watch my kids two days in a row so that I can go see Emma.
10:15am I drop them off they are happy to have "a play date", "bye Mom" they could care less that I am leaving them. I hop on the freeway and drive the 15-20mins to the Hospital. When I get there the parking attendant recognizes me and my car and waves me through. I park in the "expectant Mother" parking space and hurry to turn my phone to silent and get in the elevator. I press 3, close my eyes and take a deep breath.
10:50am I walk up to the NICU front desk window and ask permission to come in to see my baby. They joke with me and let me in. I turn left to scrub up, washing to my elbows, making sure to clean under my fingernails then rinse. I don't bother wearing my wedding ring because I would have to take it off every time.
11am I am ready to see my baby girl! I walk in and am greeted my her nurse and the other nurse assigned to the other babies in the room. I pull back her blanket and let out a breath I hadn't realized that I was holding in. I talk to her, then unwrap her and take her temperature under her arm. The thermometer takes forever to finally beep. I announce her temp out loud so that her nurse can chart it. I get a warm wet wipe and hold it in my hand so it stays warm, then I wipe her mouth and eyes. Then I get another warm wipe and change her diaper. Announcing out loud what size and color of her poop so that can also be charted. I wash my hands and undress her. The nurse listens to her heart, lungs and bowels and says "she sounds good", I then undress her and swaddle her in a blanket.
11:20am I rush down the hall to get a gown and take my shirt off. I am back very quickly and I scoop her up sit down in a stationary chair and with a pillow in my lap get Emma latched on to breastfeed. She is surprisingly good at it! She latches right on, I check the clock and then just watch her. I watch her color and feel her breathing.
There are new twins across from Emma in her room, a boy and a girl, the boy is in Oliver's old spot. The mom gets to breastfeed them for the first time. The lactation consultant comes down to offer to help. She checks on me. I tell her how great Emma is doing. She makes the assumption that she is almost ready to come home. I tell her about the obstructive apneas she has been having. She asks me if I have a sling. I do. She tells me for the first year just have her sleep in the sling or in a room with me. Then goes on her way.
11:55am Emma falls asleep and I shift her to burp her. She then roots some more. I try to get her latched on the other side, but she isn't really interested. But when I sit her up she roots some more. Her nurse makes her a bottle with 10mL of my breastmilk fortified and then I practice putting her vitamin D into it. Another box checked on my list of things to do before they will discharge her to my care.
12pm I give her the bottle and even with her eyes closed she takes the whole thing. Then I place her head on my chest and we do some kangaroo time. It is extremely relaxing for me to feel her breathing and feel her warmth close to me. Then she desats, I look at the monitor, rub her back a little and she comes back up. Then she desats again, not bad, but just low enough to set off the alarms and stays there. Her nurse turns up her oxygen a little and we resume our relaxing snuggle time. Before I know it I notice that it is almost time for me to leave:
1:30pm I place her back in her bassinet, get her dressed and swaddle her making sure that she is positioned just right on her side, with the bottom leg extended and the top at more than a right angle per therapy instructions. She is then "cocooned" in a u-shaped pillow that gives her boundaries. I kiss her head and say good-bye, then I thank her nurse for taking such good care of her, tell her I will be back at 8 and then walk away. I change in the lactation room and then head back to my car.
1:50pm Hit a fast food place drive-tru, because I am starving and eat as I drive to pick up my other kids.
2:20pm I pull up to my friend's house and get Kira and Connor. Connor is still napping, I help clean up a little and then he wakes up. I visit for a few minutes then get everyone buckled into their car seats and head home.
2:45pm I am beat! Connor is in a bad mood! I put the dinner than another friend so wonderfully provided for us in the fridge, I get Kira and Connor apple juice and then I get settled in to pump. Connor comes and sits on the bed with me for a little while. Then goes off to play with Kira.
3:30pm I am done pumping, I put the milk in a bag and put it in the freezer, then got back to lay down for a little while, I can hear the kids playing and I am not asleep.
4:00pm Jadyn comes through the door. I ask her about her day, she wants to know who is watching them tonight. I tell her Daddy, she is disappointed, she wants someone else to do it. I ask her if she could keep an eye on Kira and Connor so that I can take a little nap. Then I close my eyes for a little while, Kira comes in asking for a snack. Then Connor comes in needing a kiss for a boo boo. Then they all go downstairs to watch a movie and things get quiet enough for a little nap.
5:00pm I hear crunching in the kitchen and find Connor with a whole back of tortilla chips smashed into little pieces on the floor. Jadyn helps me clean up. I play with the kids for a little while and then heat up dinner. Adam is at the hospital giving Emma her 5:00 bottle so I don't expect him for a while. I get the kids to the table and the girls eat quickly so they can get back to the movie. Connor and I sit and have some alone time together. He is in a better mood, laughing and talking up a storm.
6:15pm Adam walks in the door, gives me a report Emma didn't take the whole bottle and was doing a strange panting thing while she ate, so they are going to watch that. Other than that she was good. He got to meet the OT Christy and she was telling him that Emma is already ahead of the game with her suck, swallow, breathe and she can tell that Emma is very smart! We visit catch up on each other's day and then I get ready to leave again.
7:20pm I head back down to see Emma. The drive is beautiful as the sun goes down. I get there right on time but they make me wait in the waiting room until they are ready for me.
8:05pm I scrub up at the sink again. Then head back to see my girl. She is making noises and ready for me, I take her temperature get her undressed, change her diaper and then the nurse listens to her. Then we weigh her. She weighs the same as the night before. I swaddle her and rush to get changed.
8:30pm Emma latches right on, at about 20 mins though the alarms go off, she was a little pale and I had to sit her upright and rub her back to get her to remember to breathe. I burp her and then get her latch to the other side. 10mins later the alarms go off again. This time she is grey and I have to have a little help convincing her to breath again. This whole visit she can't decide if she needs a little extra oxygen or if she is fine without it. I was getting a little too nervous so the nurse got her a little bottle. Emma didn't want it, so I gave her a binkie and snuggled her. After a little while she started to desat a little again. I decided it was time to put her back to bed.
At some point in there we were told that they might move Emma to the room across the hall. I started getting very emotional. We had been in the same spot for 98days, I was "comfortable" there, I felt Emma was safe there. She had great nurses there! I told her nurse that if at all possible I would prefer that she didn't get moved and then left.
10:00pm Driving home I am irritated with my self, I can't figure out why I am so upset, But I am very very upset, I almost pulled over because I was crying so hard. As I pull into my driveway I realize that the reason I do not want Emma moved is because it is the last place her and Oliver were together, it was His room too!
10:45pm I hook myself back up to the pump and sob, Adam understands, he doesn't want her moved either. Then the phone rings. It is her nurse letting me know that Emma will stay where she is tonight, but may be moved tomorrow. I thank her and hang up the phone. Adam takes the milk puts it into bags and places it in the freezer for me. He hugs me and falls asleep.
12:30am I am still crying, but finally drift off to sleep.
